An excerpt from Kalyana Kalpa-Taru

by Srila Bhaktivinode Thakura

When. oh when will my foolish ass-like mind finally attain a place to rest at the lotus feet of Lord Krishna, rejecting all other meditations? When will I finally understand my own worthlessness? Actually there is no other soul who is lower than me. When will I offer my respectful obeisances to all the untouchables? Submitting prayers unto them, I will humbly beg for a drop of devotion to Lord Krishna. And when will I finally exhibit real compassion to all living entities? Seeing the degradation of the conditioned souls, I will fall to the ground crying. Weeping and weeping, I will sadly go to Sri Vrndavana, and will take shelter of a Vaisnava in that abode of Vraja. Standing before a resident of Vraja I will grasp both his hands and question him intensively about all the holy places of the Lord's pastimes there. I will say: "Oh resident of Vraja! Please exhibit your favour and kindly show me where all the pastimes of Hari have taken place!" Then, with a gracious heart, that resident of the dhama will personally take me into the depths of that forest. He will say: "Just look there! That is the kadamba grove in which the delightful Son of Maharaja Nanda sported the rasa dance.". "Look! Here is Nanda-grama, which is the residence of Krishna's parents, Nanda and Yasoda. Look! Here is where Lord Balarama sported His own rasa dance.". "Look! Here is where Lord Krishna stole the clothes of all the gopis as they bathed. And just see this place! It is where the demon Bakasura met his fate."

In this fashion I will behold all the places of pastimes in Vrndavana with my intensly thirsty eyes in the company of the residents of Vraja. If ever I hear the vibration of a flute upon the banks of the Yamuna river, then becomming ecstatically overwhelmed I will fall sensless upon the earth. Chanting the holy names, "Krishna! Krishna!" into my ears, then the all-merciful residents of Vraja will take a palmful of Yamuna water and make me drink. By hearing the holy names being vibrated and again becoming conscious, I will then continue wandering about in the company of the Brijbasis.

When, oh when will such auspicious days be mine? Begging a little food like a bee (madhukori) I will wander from door to door. I will drink a little water from the Yamuna, filling my palm. And at night I will go to sleep by the door of some temple I happen to wander near. Then that time will come when this material body will become a tasty feast for all of the aquatics. (When it is thrown into the river at the time of death.) Then, living eternally in my spiritual body, at the feet of a gopi in her own grove, I will finally serve my greatly treasured Lord Krishna. Oh Jahnava Devi! Please show your causeless mercy to me now! This is all that is prayed for today by this desperate, worthless sinner.

An excerpt from Kalyana Kalpa-Taru

This human form of life is the rarest opportunity for attaining spiritual perfection. But now I am lamenting bitterly, because I've somehow or other been born with such an opportunity, and have wasted it by never worshipping Lord Krishna. Oh, to whom shall I tell the tale of this misery? Having married and entered into the entanglements of materialistic family life, I passed my time in vain. I never got any tangible gain or permanent benefit, only trouble and botheration. What kind of world is this anyway? It seems to be just like a magic lantern show that I saw at a carnival, wherein so many shadows and optical illusions dance magically before my eyes. I feel great attachment and identification with such a world, and thus day after day passes by fruitlessly, without any purpose whatsoever. When this body drops dead on the ground then what will remain mine? At that moment, all of my sons and dearest loved ones will not be able to give me any happiness. I work hard like an ass every day, and now I am wondering: for whom am I working so hard? I am still surrounded by so many illusions. I waste every day in useless, insignificant work, and I waste every night controlled by sleep. And in every 24 hours I never for one second consider that cruel death is sitting very close by my side.

I imagine that I live a very carefree life-style, sometimes eating a lot, or eating a little if I feel like it; sometimes I see nice things around the town, or sometimes I do not go out at all; sometimes I wear opulent clothing, or if I'm in the mood, I'll wear something simple. I live so carefree that I never consider that one day I will have to give up this body. But actually, my poor heart is plagued by constant anxieties about the maintenance and daily turmoils created by my body, my house, my wife, my family members and my social obligations. All these anxieties are pinching me sharply and destroying all my intelligence. Alas, alas! what a remorseful situation has arisen! I am absorbed in all this trouble, but I never consider that all these things are temporary and subject to perish very soon. After I'm dead and gone, where will all my material opulences remain?

When my body will be thrown into the pit at the cremation grounds, it will simply lie there motionless. Then many crows, vultures, ants, and worms will come and playfully sport there. All the stray dogs and jackals will become very much delighted, and in great ecstasy they will make a festival ground out of my body and have a huge celebration and feast. Just see, this is the ultimate destination of this material body. And the most amazing thing is that all of my material oppulences, house, family and friends have exactly the same destination.