Since arriving here on October 15th Srila Prabhupada has been giving classes on the "Nectar of Devotion" every evening in the courtyard near the Bhajana Kutir of Srila Rupa Goswami. This took place during the month of Kartika. Srila Prabhupada had spoken about doing it on many occasions before arriving. He was very excited. He said that all the classes would be in English, not in Hindi, for the benefit of his disciples. On the plane to Delhi he said to me, "you can read from NOD and then I will give purports." I was very happy to be given such an opportunity.
On the first evening Pradyumna took the service of reading from NOD. That was all right with me. I had to record the lecture and take care of Srila Prabhupada's personal needs such as fanning him when required. The courtyard was filled with his disciples and also many Brijbasis. Most of them didn't understand English but that didn't matter. They were happy to have the association of a saintly person.
It was still light out during class. Parrots were busy getting back to their branches for the night. The monkeys were creating havoc, as usual. The atmosphere was very transcendental, except for the flies. They were buzzing around Srila Prabhupada while he was speaking. It was a great opportunity for me to do some service. I picked up the camara fan and stood by my guru. I twirled the fan just like a pujari performing arati before the Deities. I felt so proud being able to perform such a service in front of my Godbrothers. Up and down I waved the fan hardly noticing the flies were still bothering him. At one point he lifted his arm and waved it across his face to chase the flies away. I was so absorbed in feelings of grandeur it never occurred to me that I wasn't doing any service. I never came close to solving the problem.
Finally, the cow dung hit the fan. My Spiritual Master glared at me and shouted, "Get someone up here with some intelligence." I stood motionless for about a year.
Immediately a young brahmacari by the name of Kunjabihari took the fan from my sweaty hand and stood by Srila Prabhupada. He was considered by some to be a rather eccentric devotee. At the time I would not have picked him for this particular service.
I went back to my tape recorder. My mind was reeling along with it. I finally realized what it meant to be 1/10,000 part the tip of a hair. I watched Kunjabihari. It seemed like he could put out a forest fire with the intensity of his fanning. No fly was foolish enough to hang around as long as he was in town. Seconds later all the flies were gone. Srila Prabhupada never stopped speaking to his disciples throughout this ordeal. Just as I was starting to breath again Srila Prabhupada looked at Kunjabihari with a smile and nodded approvingly of his disciples devotional service.
All I remember was getting up at the end of the lecture and walking alone towards Srila Prabhupada's quarters. Before I could get inside a brahmacari came up to me and said, "Srutakirti, you are so fortunate to get chastised like that by Srila Prabhupada." I forced a strained smile and said, "Yes."
It was the first time Srila Prabhupada chastised me before so many. It was difficult to accept. He was so very kind to have cut down my false pride. He has blessed me with that again and again over the years. He must do it because I still haven't learned the simple truth that I am "fool number one". He keeps trying to teach me that service is for his pleasure not mine.
Srila Prabhupada, please give me another chance to fan you. No! I am still puffed up. Please, bless me with the desire to fan your disciple, Kunjabihari dasa. He has pleased you by his service. That is the way to make advancement in Krishna Consciousness.
On a morning walk in Mayapur a devotee asked Srila Prabhupada, "Does the spiritual master know everything?" Srila Prabhupada said, "The spiritual master knows everything that Krishna wants him to know. Only Krishna can know everything."
It seemed that Srila Prabhupada knew everything about me. On a few occasions I would try to match wits with Srila Prabhupada only to be quickly and utterly exposed and defeated. The following story is the first example.
I was given Brahmin initiation by Srila Prabhupada in New Dwarka Temple in August of 1971. Kirtanananda Maharaja myself and a few other devotees drove from New Vrindaban to Los Angeles in an enclosed van in 4 days. The ride was hellish but worth every minute.
The process of getting Brahmin initiation was extremely blissful. I went into his quarters and offered obeisances. Then as he held the new Brahmin thread with his he whispered the Gayatri mantra into my ear. It happened very quickly. When I left his room I was given a sheet of paper with the mantra on it. After staying for a few days we took the long drive back to New Vrindaban. However, it didn't seem so bad.
Soon tragedy struck. One morning about 3:00 a.m. I was bathing in a muddy little pond in total darkness. I was hurrying because I had to prepare the Deities plates for the Mangala offering. While throwing a bucket of water over my head I must have washed my sacred thread off my body. Hours later when I discovered it I was brought to tears. The very thread that Srila Prabhupada gave me was gone forever. It was a very bad omen and I feared my connection was lost.
Now, one year later I am Srila Prabhupada's personal servant. It is my service to place a new Brahmin thread on his desk every month. I would do it either on the full moon day or on an Ekadasi. Srila Prabhupada would go take bath after getting his morning massage. While he bathed I would lay fresh clothing on his bed. Then, I would go into his sitting room and open up his mirror, place his ball of tilak beside it and put his extremely small lota with water in it next to these items. After dressing he would sit at his desk and put on tilak and say Gayatri mantra before taking lunch..
Today was a special once in a month opportunity because Srila Prabhupada would chant on the new thread while holding his old one. Since the loss of my initiated Brahmin thread etched a fault across my heart, I was eager to rectify it. This was my first month in Srila Prabhupada's personal service. Therefore, I was excited to obtain His Divine Grace's prasadam thread and resume my transcendental Brahmin connection.
After he chanted Gayatri he walked across the verandah to the kitchen where Yamuna devi was cooking. I walked into his sitting room and picked up his discarded thread only to discover that he had pulled apart each of the threads. I couldn't believe it. In the two years that followed he never did that again. I walked out of his room with the thread in my hand and sat on the verandah. I tied a knot in each of the six threads, determined to make my connection again. It didn't matter to me that he had broken them. It was still HIS thread. I sat contentedly on the verandah. Srila Prabhupada walked by after finishing his lunch. I offered obeisances. He smiled at me and said, "The Brahmin thread, you have disposed of it?" I said, "Not yet, Srila Prabhupada." He said, "You should bury it underneath the Tulasi plant in the temple courtyard. Put it in the dirt under the roots." All I could say was, "All right."
I could not believe it. I got to experience Srila Prabhupada's mystic power on other occasions, too. If you wanted something he made you ask for it. He seemed to enjoy exposing my desires. I also enjoyed it very much. I could have told him about losing my thread but I was too ashamed. I did not like to ask Srila Prabhupada for anything and I tried not to ask him questions since so many others were inquiring on a regular basis. I tried to think of what Srila Prabhupada wanted, not what I wanted. However sometimes I would become overwhelmed with my desire.
Srila Prabhupada, please forgive me for not following your instructions. I never did bury the thread as you asked. Thank you Srila Prabhupada for tolerating me.
Before Srila Prabhupada's quarters were available in Juhu he stayed at one life member's flat. His name was Kartikeya Mahadevia. The facilities there were nice and Srila Prabhupada seemed comfortable. Every morning Srila Prabhupada, Shyamasundara dasa and I would take Kartikeya's car, an Ambassador, and head towards a waterfront area for walking. The pavement was very wide and uncrowded.
One day while walking we passed a man laying down at the edge of the sidewalk. This was a somewhat common sight on the streets of Bombay. On the way back we passed him for the second time. Srila Prabhupada turned to us and said, "See that man lying there? He is dead." Srila Prabhupada continued walking without further comment.
Once, when we got back to the car, Shyamasundara could not get the key to work in the ignition. He tried for several minutes. He said, "Srila Prabhupada, something is wrong. This is not going to work. I'll go get a cab." He ran off leaving Srila Prabhupada and I sitting in the back seat of the car. After a few minutes two well dressed Indian men opened the car doors and sat down in the front seat of the car. I became frightened. Srila Prabhupada started talking to them in Hindi and appeared very calm. There was even a smile on his face as he conversed with them. Suddenly, they put their key in the ignition and the car started right up. They began to drive away.
I finally realized that we had been sitting in the wrong car. This is not so hard to imagine. Twenty five years later the Ambassadors still look alike. The gentlemen insisted on taking Srila Prabhupada back to his flat. Srila Prabhupada spoke to them the entire ride. He said, "We are sorry." They said, "No problem. We'll take you back to where you are staying." They drove us back into town. When we arrived Srila Prabhupada said, "You can come up and take prasadam." They replied, "No, we have to go to work. We have business meetings. Thank you very much, Swamiji."
After getting out of the car Srila Prabhupada said to me, "This is the difference between India and America. In America they would have said, 'Hey, what are you doing. Get out of my car.' Possibly beat you. In India, still there is some culture. In India they see a sadhu and they have some respect. But in your country they kick you out. They say, 'Get out of my car.'"
It is interesting to note that even in this situation Srila Prabhupada tried to get them to take prasadam. This is something I saw on countless occasions. Srila Prabhupada wanted to see that everyone he came in contact with received prasadam.
All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!
In yesterday's Uvaca Srila Prabhupada mentioned that some culture was still there in the Indian community. This was apparent with Indians all over the world. Often times Srila Prabhupada and his disciples would be invited over to a life members house for a feast. His disciples were always very eager to attend such a gathering as they would get Srila Prabhupada's association and opulent prasadam. I don't ever remember Srila Prabhupada refusing an invitation. Sometimes he would give a short lecture before prasadam was served. One such gathering took place when Srila Prabhupada was staying at the manor. Several dozen devotees went to an Indian gentleman's house. The prasadam was opulent.
Srila Prabhupada described prasadam in different ways. He said, "The devotees should get sumptuous prasadam. Simple but sumptuous. Sumptuous means very tasty. If the prasadam is tasty, you can go on eating even if you are not hungry and if it is not tasty then you'll immediately loose your appetite. Prasadam must be very nice for the devotees then everything else will be all right." He said, "Opulent prasadam means ghee and sugar."
At the feast there was puris, halavah, sweet rice and many other preps. I remember watching Srila Prabhupada eat. It was always special. Normally, he would take prasadam alone in his room. I can not do him justice by trying to describe the heavenly way he moved his fingers, hands and mouth as he took prasadam but it was possible for even me to see that he was honoring Krishna prasadam. We all ate to our full satisfaction.
When we returned to the manor Srila Prabhupada rang his bell. I trotted to his room and offered obeisances. "So everyone has enjoyed prasadam? Everyone has enjoyed the feast?" he said with a smile. I said, "Well actually, Srila Prabhupada, some of the devotees, they are not feeling so well. They are saying that everything was fried in oil instead of ghee." Srila Prabhupada replied, "Well, what do you expect.? I was watching them and I saw, Pradyumna, he ate so many puris and another devotee he ate so much of the vegetable."
I was amazed. I noticed Srila Prabhupada eating but I had no idea he was observing so much. He could do so many things at the same time without ever appearing to be doing anything at all. However, I still had an observation of my own to give. "Yes, Srila Prabhupada." I said in agreement, "but I don't feel so good, also, and I didn't eat very much at all." He said, "Yes. I know this. You didn't eat so much but I do remember you ate four puris." In disbelief of what had just happened I could only say, "Yes, Prabhupada, I guess I did." I offered obeisances and left the room still trying to figure out how he knew all of this. He knew more about what I eat then I did. It was remarkable to me how he was so aware of everything that was going on around him at a simple function.
Thank you Srila Prabhupada for paying such close attention to this useless person. I pray that I never forget all the time you spent patiently instructing me in countless situations. You had such monumental service to perform but I am more impressed by all the wonderful little things you did for me and still do for me every day. Please, let me remember your kindness birth after birth. Separation from you is so very bitter sweet. It is a taste for which I can't get enough.
Being with a pure devotee of the Lord for two years was the most wonderful opportunity to learn how to act in Krishna Consciousness. For a person like me it was also an opportunity to make innumerable offenses to a great soul. There are many activities etched in mind that bring joy but many others that give me sorrow.
An Indian devotee at the manor had a son who was about 12 years old. This boy wanted to cook lunch for Srila Prabhupada. His Divine Grace agreed to the proposal. I, having the mentality of a twelve year old and no service attitude, thought it was a chance for me to take it easy in the morning. I did not oversee any of the boys activities and had no idea if he was qualified to cook Srila Prabhupada's lunch. I gave Srila Prabhupada his massage and then went back to my room.
The youngster brought Srila Prabhupada his lunch. The dahl was burned. The chapatis were hard because they didn't puff up. The rice was under cooked. Srila Prabhupada sampled everything. The boy returned to the kitchen to cook another chapati. At that time I went into Srila Prabhupada's room. He said, "This prasadam, didn't you help?" I answered, "No, Prabhupada. I thought he was going to do it." He said, "Yes, but you should have been with him, to make sure everything was all right. This is very bad. How can I eat this?" At this moment the boy came back into the room with another chapati. Srila Prabhupada said to him, "Everything is very nice. You have done very well." The youngster was very happy. The boy had performed devotional service to the best of his ability and pleased his spiritual master. I, needless to say, had committed a great offense by my lethargy. Srila Prabhupada didn't even yell. It was difficult for me when he yelled but when he was angry with me and was silent that was more painful.
I want to tell this incident to show another part of Srila Prabhupada's greatness. He could have had any number of spiritually and materially qualified assistants with him to make his life easy but he accepted service from me. He never asked me to leave him at any time. He accepted my incompetence gracefully. He always made me feel appreciated despite my many shortcomings. I have seen Srila Prabhupada forgive his disciples for so many offenses. This was certainly not the worst thing I have done to my spiritual master but it involved serving him directly and that causes me sorrow.
Srila Prabhupada, don't kick me away. There is no safe place in this material world except at your beautifully golden lotus feet. Please give me the desire to serve you and your movement for the duration of my lives. Your aspiring servant, Srutakirti dasa
I have to be honest and divide my association with Srila Prabhupada into three different categories. the first would be wonderful. Yesterdays story, despite my inadequacies in serving him was wonderful because I was able to witness Srila Prabhupada's mercy and kindness. The second type is more wonderful. This would include being able to massage him and cook for him on a daily basis. Massaging him was particularly sweet for me. But, better then that were some very special moments which can only be described as being most wonderful. Today I need to tell such a story.
It is around 10:00 p.m. and Srila Prabhupada is ready for his evening massage. Here in his Juhu flat he had a separate bedroom. It is especially nice in Juhu because of the mosquitoes. Yes, because of the mosquitoes, I have to get under the mosquito net with Srila Prabhupada. It is very intimate for me in this situation. Srila Prabhupada laying down and me sitting on the bed by his feet. I felt like I was camping out with my spiritual master, like two youngsters in the woods. Tonight, Srila Prabhupada assisted me in this fantasy.
While I was rubbing his body gently he said, "One of my favorite things, when I was young was my shoes. Once, my father bought me a pair of shoes. They were imported from England. They had soft leather uppers and hard leather souls. At the time, perhaps they cost six rupees. That was a fortune. In India 70 years ago 6 rupees was a lot of money. I liked my shoes very much. I remember I used to wear them to school."
At that point he stopped speaking for a few minutes. I was caught up in Srila Prabhupada's bliss. I tried to imagine him walking around in his shoes. Still massaging his transcendental form I smiled and said, "Prabhupada, when you walked to school, did you look at your shoes as you were walking?" He began laughing loudly and said, "Yes, I would look down at my shoes. I liked them so much, these shoes."
He spoke about a few other childhood memories that night. Some I mentioned previously and others I will tell later. That was a "most wonderful" night for me. I could have stayed there forever massaging him and listening to these stories. It was like hearing Krishna book stories for the first time. His memory was so incredible. When he spoke about his childhood it seemed like he was there. I couldn't imagine what my qualification was to be able to have shared these moments with him. Now, I can understand that he wasn't describing these pastimes for my pleasure alone. He was telling me so that I could describe them to all of his followers. I hope that I can relate them with at least a hint of the nectar that I felt as he told me such sublime pastimes.
Thank you Srila Prabhupada for sharing your memories with me. I had no qualification to hear them from any source and somehow was able to hear them from your Divine self. I have no qualification to describe them but I must because you have told them to me and it is my pleasurable duty to spread your glories all over the three worlds. I will never understand this.
This was my first trip to Mayapur with Srila Prabhupada. It was before the guest house was built. The facilities where he stayed were very austere. Basically, it was the goshala, a thatched hut. It had been prepared for his stay. Srila Prabhupada stayed in one room and the rest of us stayed on the other side of a partition.
I had never seen so many mosquitoes in my life. It was so bad that by the time I had the net over his bed there were already mosquitoes inside the net. One night, after we both climbed under the net I was massaging his legs. I said, "There are so many mosquitoes. Should I kill them, Srila Prabhupada?" He said, "Yes! They are attacking. According to Sastra, if one is being attacked, you have the right to defend yourself. And, they are attacking." So, I was massaging and watching. Whenever I saw one in the air I would raise my hands and clap them together. Sometimes I would gently smack Srila Prabhupada's body as one landed on his head or back. It was the most unusual service I had ever done but I enjoyed it immensely. I never considered my self much of a warrior but this enemy was no match for me. I had finally been given a service I was good at, killing insects. Srila Prabhupada was so very kind.
He also had the best description of these pesky insects. One morning he rang his bell very early. I walked into his room very slowly still half asleep. He looked at me with a touch of anger and said, "Some mosquito, last night, he was cutting my forehead. He created so much disturbance. He made it difficult for me to do my translating work." It was incredible. No matter what was going on Srila Prabhupada always related it to Krishna and his service. It was never about bodily inconvenience. He would only complain about something interfering with his service. Of course for the two years I was with him that is all I saw, Srila Prabhupada engaged in service to his guru maharaja and Srila Prabhupada in the state of bliss. This always went on simultaneously.
It was very chilly there in the evening but Srila Prabhupada didn't complain about it. He did complain about the unnecessary talk that would go on amongst his disciples. Since we were all staying in the same room any talking that was going on could be heard by him. He said, "Tell them to be quiet. All this talk is not good. Simply they are gossiping. Tell them to stop."
This was not easy for me to do because these devotees were usually my senior godbrothers. I would tell them that Prabhupada asked for quiet. This same scenario occurred here months later when he stayed at the guest house. Mayapura was such a quiet place in '72-73 that any talking could be heard by Srila Prabhupada quite well. Whenever Srila Prabhupada was at a temple many of his disciples would come together. This was a perfect situation for devotees to exchange stories about this person and that person, etc. etc. Srila Prabhupada said, "Why must everything deteriorate into this idle talk, idle discussion. This is wasting time, destroying Krishna Consciousness."
I always watered it down before telling it to my godbrothers. I just didn't have the nerve to tell it as he told me. I never heard him mention it to anyone when they were in his room but he sure did let me know about it.
This was a quality of Srila Prabhupada's. He was very careful not to discourage anyone through criticism. If they were capable of dealing with it he would chastise. Otherwise he was the greatest transcendental diplomat there ever was. His only goal was to infect as many people as possible with love of Krishna and if you had the chance of associating with him personally then there was a strong possibility of becoming deeply attached to him no matter how hard you fight it.
This was definitely Srila Prabhupada's home town. There was a very relaxed atmosphere here. The temple was situated on the second floor. There was a modest sized temple room and Srila Prabhupada's room was at the end of the building. The nicest part of the facility was the open marble verandah that ran the width of the building. It overlooked a pond that was across the street.
There seemed to be no stopping the flow of guests into his room. This was different from other temples where there was much more control. I remember when he would take rest in the afternoon. I would lie down in front of the doors of his room so that no one could enter. It was one of my favorite services, getting the chance to be his guard dog. That is how little control there was of guests. Srila Prabhupada knew it was the home town crowd and he was especially gracious to visitors. There was always a few boxes of milk sweets kept in his room that were purchased at the local sweets shops. Sandesh of many varieties were the best tasting in the world. Srila Prabhupada always emphasized, "All guests should be given prasadam"
One day I noticed that a box of sweets were covered with ants. I thought if I showed them to Srila Prabhupada he would tell me to discard them. Then I could dust off the ants and keep them for myself. I lustfully walked into his room and offered obeisances. I told him of the dilemma. He smiled at me, no doubt reading my mind and said, "That's all right, they don't eat very much." He then said, "Go get a thali (a plate with a 1" rim around it) and put water in it. Then you can put a pot in that up side down and put the sweets on the pot. That will make a moat so the ants can't get at the sweets." One of Srila Prabhupada's transcendental characteristics is that he never, ever wasted anything. This quality will manifest itself in many pastimes.
One afternoon while lying outside his room I heard him moaning. I didn't know what to do. A few times I looked in and saw him tossing and turning on his bed. He didn't call for me but I couldn't take it any more. Finally, I rushed into his room and said, "Srila Prabhupada, what's wrong?" He said, "My stomach, very painful. It must have been something I ate. It's very, very painful." He didn't ask for any assistance. I remained in the room and began to gently rub his stomach.
Later he said, "It must have been that coconut katchori my sister made me for lunch. It was not cooked, the coconut was very difficult to digest. It is causing me very much pain." Throughout the evening different devotees took turns rubbing his body. The pain continued all night long. With each breath he took he would let out a sigh. In the morning the kaviraja came. He confirmed what Srila Prabhupada had said. When I went into his room at 4:00 a.m. he said, "This katchori has created havoc. All night I have not been able to rest. It has created havoc in my life."
Srila Prabhupada please forgive me. Because of voluntarily accepting the reactions to my sinful activities you have had to endure suffering. I have watched you deal with it quietly, never complaining. I am forever indebted for what you have done for me.
The second half of yesterday's story about the katchori took place in Calcutta during the first week of July. This is significant because after this episode Srila Prabhupada was deciding where he would travel to next. This was always an exciting adventure. On this occasion the senior devotees were suggesting that perhaps Srila Prabhupada should go to Hawaii or Los Angeles so that he could rest. However, there was an invitation from the devotees in London to attend the Ratha Yatra festival.
Srila Prabhupada was very expert in engaging his disciples so that they could develop their love and attachment for him. The process of deciding where to travel occurred over and over again, wherever Srila Prabhupada was staying. He would allow his disciples to suggest places and reasons why he should go there. Hawaii was mentioned often because of the nice weather and good fruit. He would listen to his disciple's opinions and then do whatever he wanted. It was a great deal of fun, once I became acquainted with the process.
Sometimes, he would travel to cities all over the world without ever leaving his sitting room. The most important thing for his secretary to know was that until he said, "send a telegram" or "tell them to send us tickets" it was only a suggestion by Srila Prabhupada. It kept his disciples around the world busy painting temples blue and white as these were considered Srila Prabhupada's favorite colors. I'm not sure, but sometimes I think Srila Prabhupada considered all temples outside of India had the fragrance of an M.A.B. paint store.
On this occasion he said to me, "Srutakirti, what do you think? Should I go to London and attend the Ratha Yatra festival or should I go to Hawaii and rest." I had been with Srila Prabhupada for almost one year and I knew he would do whatever he wanted. I was thrilled that he would even ask for my opinion. Just that one acknowledgment by him was enough to last for my entire life. I responded quickly, "Srila Prabhupada, if you go to the Ratha Yatra festival in London so many people will be benefited by you association." He smiled broadly and said, "Yes, I think your observation is correct." After listening to everyone Srila Prabhupada said, "Thank you for the advice. I am going to London for the Ratha Yatra."
It was an amazing festival. My perspective was limited, since I stayed by Srila Prabhupada's side but it was filled with adventure. Srila Prabhupada was very enthusiastic. His Vyasasana was available on the Ratha cart but he decided to walk with the devotees. Srila Prabhupada was walking in front of the cart clapping his hands to the beat of the kirtan. He would raise his hands in the air encouraging everyone to dance. He looked like the supreme puppeteer. As he raised his hands everyone would leap into the air in ecstasy. It didn't require any purification. If you were near him, you were in bliss. Except for the bobbies (policemen). They were looking for someone in charge. They wanted to calm everyone down. They were keen enough to realize that if they could control Srila Prabhupada, they could control the "unruly" crowd.
Somehow or other they thought I was an 'associate' of Your Divine Grace. One of the bobbies said, "You'll have to tell your leader to sit down. He's causing too much of a disturbance. Everyone is becoming wild and we can't control the crowd." I said, "All right" and then did nothing. It was apparent that Srila Prabhupada was in charge of this festival. I had no idea who was attending but Srila Prabhupada was visibly ecstatic. They approached me again, more firmly, saying, "You must tell him. He'll have to sit down." Again I agreed. With fear of reprisal I tapped Srila Prabhupada on his shoulder and said, "Prabhupada, the policemen, they want you to sit down. They say that you are creating havoc here in the parade." Srila Prabhupada looked through me for a brief moment. He quickly turned away with his arms still raised in the air. Smilingly majestically, he continued walking with a bounce in his step. He allowed everyone present to enter into his world of bliss. He never stopped. He walked the length of the parade. The bobbies gave up their attack. They were no match for the pure devotee and the Lord of the Universe.
Srila Prabhupada, when I said that so many people would be benefited by your association, I had no idea of the plans you had. You were an ocean of mercy, that was being freely given to everyone attending. Please forgive me for tapping you on your shoulder that day. Due to my dullness I attempted to distract you from your mission. Thank you for ignoring my countless shortcomings.
While staying in the small facility at the front of the property Srila Prabhupada would sometimes walk outside and observe his disciples taking prasadam. At that time, the area where they took prasadam was just behind Srila Prabhupada's quarters. In these conditions he considered his disciples like pioneers, undergoing great austerities to help him in his mission. In most places in India the conditions were fair, at best. Srila Prabhupada was anxious to have guest facilities built so that his disciples would have adequate living arrangements.
The devotees used a small kerosene stove to cook puris. There was no permanent cooking facility. They were cooking outside, near the area where they took prasadam. Cooking was going on as the devotees were eating, so they were being brought hot puris continually. At this particular time of the year date trees were tapped for their sap and it was cooked down into an incredibly tasty gaur. One day Srila Prabhupada left his room to use the meager bathroom facility. As I mentioned before he always took pleasure in seeing his disciples honoring prasadam. The process was so wonderful. He would come outside and, of course, everyone would offer obeisances. He would say, "Go on. Take prasadam." The exchange between Srila Prabhupada and his disciples was so sweet. He looked down and saw the combination of hot puris and date gaur and said, "Oh, very good combination."
Later on in his room he said to me, "This is not a very good practice... the devotees having puris made on the spot, hot like that. This is not our system. You just take prasadam. Are we so high, lofty. These devotees have to be getting hot puris, one after another. This is not good. This must be stopped." Later on that day I transferred the message to one of the temple administrators so that Srila Prabhupada's wishes could be carried out.
This morning when we arrived Srila Prabhupada informed me that he would take the Deity's maha for his lunch. I was happy with this instruction because it would make things easier since no one had yet arrived who could prepare his lunch. When the maha arrived from the temple I started to heat it up. While I was in the kitchen a devotee came in and said Srila Prabhupada wants his prasadam now. I said, "I am heating it up. I will bring it in right away." They came back in a flash and said," Srila Prabhupada is angry, he wants it now." I went into the room trembling and offered my obeisances. He was yelling before I lifted my head, "Why are you heating up the prasadam. Maha prasadam is not to be heated up. I want it now. I didn't want it heated up. I just wanted the prasadam. You bring it now."
Being with Srila Prabhupada was never boring. So often devotees have said to me that it must have been very difficult to be Srila Prabhupada's personal servant. It was indeed. I think it must have been much more difficult for Srila Prabhupada to have had me as his personal servant. I still have no idea how much nonsense he had to tolerate because of my bad habits. He had so much patience and tolerance. There were so many things to learn from him. He often said, "Krishna consciousness is common sense." Srila Prabhupada please benedict me with common sense so that I can begin to serve you according to your desires.
It was about 5:00 p.m. I was lying down on my mat in the servant quarters half asleep when I heard the bell ring. I walked towards Srila Prabhupada's sitting room. I tried to compose myself. I realized that I was still affected by the mode of ignorance. I went into Srila Prabhupada's room and offered obeisances. I sat up hoping he wouldn't notice my condition. I was in worse shape then I realized. He was more conscious of my illusion then I was. That statement may seem elementary but I had always thought that Srila Prabhupada had too many other things to concern himself with then my Krishna Consciousness.
He looked at me with concern and said, "So, why you are not chanting?" Wow! Was I caught off guard. Srila Prabhupada was very expert at confronting a person when you least expected it. I didn't know what to say. So, I said something stupid but honest. "Srila Prabhupada, I am having a difficult time. It is hard sitting in my room all day chanting and reading." His reply was extraordinary. He said, "I am sitting here all day, also. I simply go out once a day on a walk. The rest of the day, I am just sitting here and I am not having any difficulty." Srila Prabhupada said this with a straight face. I responded quickly, "I am not like you Srila Prabhupada. You are like Haridas Thakur. I am not very transcendental. I have to keep myself busy. Maybe I could do some typing for you?" Still looking very serious he said, "What are we going to do?" I said, "Srila Prabhupada, I don't know." He said, "Call Karandhara."
As I mentioned in previous stories Srila Prabhupada would say these words often when he was in Los Angeles because Karandhara was a doer, he was always serious. We went into Srila Prabhupada's room together and offered obeisances. Srila Prabhupada said to Karandhara, "Srutakirti is having trouble. He is not chanting. He says he needs something to do to keep him busy. What shall we do?" Karandhara, looking very intense as always, said, "We have to get him some engagement, somehow."
Srila Prabhupada said, "Yes! I have an idea. I am translating 'Srimad Bhagavatam' here in this room. So, I will start translating the 'Caitanya-Caritamrta' in the study. In this room I have my Dictaphone and I will do 'Srimad Bhagavatam' and in my study you can put another Dictaphone machine and I can start translating 'Caitanya-Caritamrta'." Looking at me he said, "So, you can type it. You can prepare everything for editing. In this way I will keep you busy and I will keep Pradyumna busy with editing. Is that all right?" I enthusiastically responded, "Yes, Srila Prabhupada. Thank you. "Karandhara and I set up the study so that Srila Prabhupada could begin work on the 'Sri Caitanya-Caritamrta'.
Early the next morning when Srila Prabhupada went into the bathroom to get ready for his morning walk I went into the study and took the tape out of the machine. He had done some translating. That day I enthusiastically chanted my rounds knowing that my Spiritual Master loved me more then I could imagine. Later in the day I transcribed the tape. There wasn't much on it but he was still doing Srimad Bhagavatam in the other room, so that was understandable.
The next day when I went into the study to get the tape I saw that it hadn't been used. He didn't do anymore translating of 'Sri Caitanya Caritamrta' the rest of the time we were in Los Angeles but that didn't matter to me. He had lit a tiny spark in me by caring so much.
Six months later in the study in Los Angeles, where he did the first hour of translating on 'Sri Caitanya-Caritamrta" he said to me, "You should become expert in 'Caitanya-Caritamrta' and give classes on it." I nodded and smiled not knowing how it could ever happen. Srila Prabhupada I know that by your causeless mercy anything is possible. If I could develop for you a fraction of the love that you have shown for me my life would be successful. I pray that in some far distant life I will be able to understand my relationship with you.
It is easy to understand that Srila Prabhupada enjoyed chanting japa. He always stressed to us the importance of chanting our 16 rounds. He told me that as a householder he used a simple process for completing 16 rounds that we could apply. He said, "When I was a householder I would chant 4 rounds before each meal and 4 rounds before retiring in the evening. In this way 16 rounds could be chanted without difficulty." He laughed and said, "If you don't take prasadam before chanting your 4 rounds then you will be sure to get them chanted."
In New Dwarka he said to me, "In the evening, if I get tired, I walk and chant." Looking at me he said, "If you are tired, then walk and chant like I do. Sometimes, if I am tired I pace back and forth in the room. Simply, in one room you can do everything. If you are tired, you can stand up and chant, like I do." It was very common to see Srila Prabhupada walking around in his quarters or sitting in his rocking chair, chanting rounds. Sometimes in the evening he would chant rounds while I was giving him massage in bed. Sometimes, he would say, "There, I'm finished." Once in New Dwarka I was in his sitting room cleaning around his desk. He was sitting behind his desk chanting japa. As he pulled down a counter bead he looked at me with a beautiful smile and said humorously, "There, I have finished my 16 rounds. Now I can do any damn thing I want."
Sometimes devotees would ask Srila Prabhupada about following certain rules in regards to Ekadasi or following Catur mas. Srila Prabhupada responded, "My disciples, they cannot even chant 16 rounds and follow the principles. What is the use of these other rules and regulations.
First, just do these things. Do the simple things that I ask you to do. Don't concern yourself with all these rituals. First, chant your 16 rounds and follow the principles."
One day a brahmacari entered Srila Prabhupada's room and told him that he had fallen down with a woman. He told Srila Prabhupada that perhaps he should get married. Srila Prabhupada answered, "Marriage. Why do you think marriage is going to solve your difficulties? You should chant. Just chant Hare Krishna. Chant your 16 rounds." There were so many times that devotees went into Srila Prabhupada's room with a problem they were hoping he would solve with some particular arrangement. His solution was always the same. "Chant Hare Krishna, chant your 16 rounds." He developed the phrase, "Just do it" long before Nike.
He once told a disciple, "If there is some difficulty, you chant loudly. If there is some agitation, chant out loud." One time it was brought to his attention that a senior devotee was not attending Mangal Arati or chanting rounds, at least with the other devotees. Srila Prabhupada said, "Do it to set the example for the other devotees. You, yourself are very advanced. You do not need to attend Mangal Arati but you should set the example for those that require it."
Thank you Srila Prabhupada for being the Acarya. You always taught by example. You chanted rounds. You said three Gayatri mantras a day, rose early in the morning and put tilak on your transcendental body. You never asked any disciple to do something you were not doing yourself. You always practiced what you preached. You showed us practically how a pure devotee conducts himself. I have been in illusion since time immemorial but I pray that I am never deluded into thinking that this process of devotional service is only for the neophyte.
Srila Prabhupada took great pleasure in hearing his disciples chanting the Maha "Manta", but sometimes he wanted them to do it elsewhere. The temple room in New Dwarka, 1972 is now the museum. It was against Srila Prabhupada's quarters. It was about 2:00 in the afternoon. There was a male devotee in the temple chanting his rounds, very loudly. Srila Prabhupada was resting and so were Sri Sri Rukmini Dwarkadisa. Srila Prabhupada didn't even ring his bell to call me. He opened the door of his room and shouted down the stairway, "Tell that devotee that the Deities are taking rest and that he should be quiet. Tell them to shut up." Srila Prabhupada was very humble. He could have said that he was resting and didn't want to be disturbed but that was not the way he presented it.
Srila Prabhupada and his entourage had rooms on half of the second floor of the guest house. The other half of the floor was open to devotee guests. There is a beautiful verandah that goes around the entire facility. Sometimes Srila Prabhupada would walk on the verandah and chant japa. Devotees would sometimes hang around at the other end of the verandah hoping to catch a glimpse of His Divine Grace. One morning an elder godbrother of mine was walking back and forth chanting japa on the marble verandah. My instincts told me that he was chanting too loud and that Srila Prabhupada might be disturbed. I had some experience from before. Srila Prabhupada relished his quiet ecstasy. I said, "Prabhu, perhaps you could chant a little softer, Srila Prabhupada might not like it." He looked at me like I was crazy. I think he had the idea that Srila Prabhupada would be pleased by his devotion. He left me in the dust and continued with his chanting.
Within a few minutes the bell rang. I already knew what was going to happen and have to admit I was in bliss. I hurried into Srila Prabhupada's sitting room and offered obeisances. Srila Prabhupada said angrily, "Who is that chanting out there? If they want to chant loudly, tell them to go into the temple room and chant before the Deities." I happily exposed the culprit and rushed back outside. This time I had a rather smug look on my face. After all I was armed with the 'Srila Prabhupada Cakra' weapon. I was indestructible. Needless to say after conveying Srila Prabhupada's message he went on his way with a new attitude.
Srila Prabhupada, you told me, "The first class servant knows what his master wants and does it without being asked." There were so many occasions when I knew from experience what you wanted but due to my weakness of character was unable to carry it out. I always tried to be quiet. You said, "For oneself the devotee is meek and humble but for Krishna and His pure devotee, he becomes like the lion." Thank you for always showing these characteristics.
While Srila Prabhupada was in Delhi he received a silver vase from a life member. It was originally going to be given to Indira Ghandi and was engraved with her name. Srila Prabhupada was very pleased with the gift and had me carry it in the luggage until we reached Los Angeles. When we walked into his quarters, pointing to his desk, he said, "I will keep this here." I showed it to the devotees who cleaned Srila Prabhupada's rooms while he would go for his morning walk. I said, "Srila Prabhupada likes this vase very much. You should put nice flowers in it."
Daily they would make a beautiful arrangement for the vase. It was a good size and could hold a large amount of flowers. One day we came back from the morning walk a little earlier then usual. As soon as Srila Prabhupada walked into his room he noticed that the vase was not on his desk. He looked at me and asked, "Where is the vase?" I said, "Well, probably they took it into the kitchen to put fresh flowers in it." Now he was somewhat angry, and getting angrier with each sentence. "Why?" he said, "The flowers in it were fine. Why do they change these flowers every day? Why are they so wasteful? Who is this person doing this? Tell them to change them only when they go bad. You should never take the flowers out of this room until they are dwindling. It is not necessary. This is just wasteful. Where is the vase? Go find it immediately!"
I hurriedly left his room. Actually, I was eager to leave. It was not fun for me to be around Srila Prabhupada when he was yelling, even if it wasn't me who was the object. Fortunately the vase was in the temple kitchen. I told the devotees, "You had better stop changing these flowers every day. Srila Prabhupada said it is very bad. Make sure this vase is never out of his room." Arriving in his sitting room with a beautiful new arrangement did not seem to appease him. I put the vase down on his desk and offered obeisances wishing I could just keep my head floor. "Just do it when it is necessary." he shouted, "They shouldn't be wasting so much on flowers. They shouldn't be wasting so much money, every day- changing. This is your custom in America, simply wasting." He gave the following example. Due to his disciples conditioning , it is one he gave many times. "In your country if you have some cloth, if there is something extra, instead of just folding it under you will cut it off and throw away. This is your process here in America. In India if there is something left they will fold it over and sew. Whatever goes wrong, you solve it with money. In this way it appears very good. You make some accident, then because you have money you can cover it over very quickly. It is not that you are very capable of doing anything but because money is there you make everything look very good. With money you can cover over all of your deficiencies."
Srila Prabhupada said, "Krishna has given you American boys and girls so much facility." What wasn't apparent to me at the time was the reason 'so much' was there was because of his potency, not anything we were doing. Srila Prabhupada saw Krishna in everything, everywhere. Therefore sometimes he chastised us when we were wasteful. He was so very tolerant of our spiritual and material immaturity.
Srila Prabhupada, please forgive me for my wasteful habits. Most of all, forgive me for wasting so much time in the service of the illusory energy. Sometimes in a lecture you would look at your watch and say how it was impossible to recover this moment in time ever again, no matter how much money you have. I would foolishly think, "Why is that so bad. We are eternal. What is the loss?" Now, as I sit hear with emptiness in my heart due to your absence I have a little idea of how valuable each second in your presence was. No amount of money can bring you back to this most unfortunate soul. Again, I am feeling the bittersweet taste of separation from your Divine Grace.
There are so many times Srila Prabhupada would take the English language and adapt to suit his requirements, usually with humorous results. Some, I have mentioned in previous posts. When he was in Hawaii on the morning walk he would look out into the ocean and momentarily watch the surfers. He always called them "sufferers".
In the U.S.A. when he talked about the democratic form of government, instead of calling it democracy he used the word "demon crazy". When I was first with Srila Prabhupada sometimes he would ring his bell and when I entered the room he would say, "Where is punditji?" This was an affectionate term for his Sanskrit editor. After several months his Sanskrit editor was not always readily available. Srila Prabhupada began calling me to his room and saying, "Where is banditji?"
In Delhi, Brahmananda dasa and I were sitting in Srila Prabhupada's quarters. I began drying up the floor by his clay water pot because water was seeping threw and collecting on the floor. Brahmananda said, "Srila Prabhupada, the water is coming out of the pot a little." Srila Prabhupada said, "Yes, I believe they call it percolating. Is that right Brahmananda?" He said, "I really don't know Srila Prabhupada." I thought his description was close but off the mark. We had been brought up hearing the term daily because our parents drank coffee that was brewed in a percolator. Brahmananda, an English major, looked up the word in the dictionary and found Srila Prabhupada's description to be most accurate.
One of my particular favorite terms occurred during an evening massage in New Dwarka. He was laying in bed on his back. I was kneeling on the floor next to his bed massaging his legs. At one point he looked at me with a smile and pointed to his feet and said, "Do my fingers." I became confused and knelt there motionless for a few seconds. He pointed to his toes again. He had a bigger smile on his face and said, "My fingers, massage my fingers." I finally knew what he meant and I said, "Oh! Your toes. You want me to massage your toes." Still smilingly broadly he said, "Yes! My fingers. Do my fingers." This same conversation occurred three more times in the future during the evening massage. Each time Srila Prabhupada did it to me I would be caught off guard and become confused for a moment. It was incredibly sweet.
Sometimes during the evening massage Srila Prabhupada would go into samadhi. This would be scary for me because once he gave me an instruction, "You massage until I become tired. Not until you become tired." This occurred during morning massage. I began to move from one part of his body to the next without him telling me to. He let it go on for a few days before chastising me about my laziness. Anyway, in the evening it was possible to massage him for hours without him saying anything. He would close his eyes. After some time I would begin to rub a little harder hoping that he would notice I was still there. Other times he would say to me, "Are you tired?" I always said, "Oh, no Prabhupada." There were times when I dozed off while massaging him.
Sometimes Srila Prabhupada would close his eyes while I was massaging his feet. When this happened I would place my head on the bottom of those two beautiful lotus feet. I was always very greedy. It wasn't enough that I massaged his feet everyday. I needed more. The massage would end with Srila Prabhupada sweetly saying, "All right, that's enough." Now there was more nectar. I got to watch as he would sit up and grab his covers and in one motion place his head on the pillow while at the same time pulling the covers over his head. I can't do it justice by trying to describe it but it was most endearing to watch. Other times he would say, "I hate taking rest, it is a complete waste of time. I wish I didn't ever have to take rest. I am simply wasting my time."
Srila Prabhupada, forgive my offensive behavior thinking that there was something you didn't know or understand. I have finally realized what you were teaching me with your gentle lessons. If you say your toes are fingers, they are fingers. Thank you for letting me massage your 20 fingers.
For six weeks Srila Prabhupada stayed at the flat of Kartikeya Mahadevia. From the ground floor there was a very small two man elevator that could be used to get to Srila Prabhupada's rooms. One morning Srila Prabhupada, Tamal Krishna Goswami and I were headed toward the elevator on the way to the morning walk. As Srila Prabhupada's servant, I was expecting to get in the elevator with him but Tamal Krishna Goswami went in first, so there was no room for me. As the doors closed on me I turned quickly and ran down 2 flights of stairs. I arrived at the elevator doors just in time to open them for Srila Prabhupada and help him out of the elevator. As we walked away Tamal Krishna Maharaja looked at me and started laughing. He said, "Srila Prabhupada, Srutakirti is really expert." Srila Prabhupada replied with a smile, "Yes, 'kirti' means expert." He continued towards the car without saying anything else on the subject.
Being Srila Prabhupada's servant was filled with adventure and suspense. Whatever was going on seemed to be filled with a certain electricity. Every month I would get the opportunity to shave his head with the electric clippers. Srila Prabhupada was not a passive recipient during this process. He would move around and that made me more frightened. He very kindly helped me be 'Prabhupada Conscious". When I first did it, after making one pass over his head he said, "Turn the shaver off in between each stroke so it doesn't get hot. This wasn't so difficult. Then, came the really tricky part, shaving around his ears. It seemed like every time I got close to his beautiful ears he would say, "Be careful of my ears." I was very careful. By Krishna's grace there never was a mishap during this service. Plus, I had the opportunity to put many devotees into ecstasy by distributing Srila Prabhupada's hair.
The most simple arrangements could be the cause of anxiety, especially in India. In Mayapura in 1973 I would put an immersion heater in a brass bucket filled with water to warm it for his bath. Naturally it didn't always work. The heaters would burn out or the electricity would go off. Srila Prabhupada would be ready for bath with no warm water. He shouted, "Why don't I have any hot water for bath?" In Vrindaban at Radha Damodara temple when he stayed on the second floor he said, "You can place a bucket of water outside on the roof and the sun will heat it sufficiently for taking bath." That usually worked, except when the monkeys decided they wanted to drink from it and then knock the bucket over.
Then there were the countless mornings Srila Prabhupada would pass by me on the way to his bathroom and say "Datong is there?" When he said that I already knew it meant I had forgotten to put his twig in the bathroom so he could brush his teeth. When I was with him Srila Prabhupada used a twig to brush his teeth, not a toothbrush. The best was from the neem tree. This was easy to get in India. You could go to a store and buy them by the bunch. However, in New York City it wasn't so easy to get any kind of twig, anywhere. Somehow, I would manage to get something. The most important quality is that the wood had to become bristly when you chewed on the end. His personal servant was supposed to be sure that wherever in the world Srila Prabhupada was he would have the facility to follow his schedule. It was amazing. He did so much traveling but maintained his regulation as if the term 'jet lag' was only imagination. I was mediocre, at best in performing my duties. Thank you Srila Prabhupada for tolerating me as I fumbled through my service.
This evening Srila Prabhupada called me into his room. When I entered he said, "This evening you can make me some puffed rice and peanuts. It will fill me but it is not heavy. What I ate last night made it difficult for me to get up and do my translating work. With puffed rice there is no indigestion." I left his room and began to prepare the puffed rice and peanuts. He told me to serve it with sliced cucumber and ginger root on the side. First a chaunce was made, then the puffed rice and peanuts were put into the wok and cooked until all the grains were toasted. I brought it to his room along with hot milk, sweetened with sugar. Shortly after he finished his meal he called me in and told me it was time for massage.
He sat up or laid on his back for evening massage and in his Juhu flat I would sit on his bed beside him because the mosquito net surrounded his bed. The room was very peaceful. As I was massaging his legs he said, "My mother, she made very first class puffed rice. She had a special wok. A very thick wok, so you could make it hot. You put sand in the wok and fire it very hot. You would throw the rice in and mix it up. It would puff in the hot sand. Then you sifted it so all the sand would fall through. When sifting you had to be sure and clean it very well until all the sand was gone."
He stopped for a moment and then continued, "She would give it to us often. This puffed rice is very nice. She was a very a first class cook. Everything she made, she made nicely. It was natural. My sister also, she was a very good cook, from watching my mother. In the Vedic society it was the woman's duty. All day the women were engaged in cooking. The husband and children they took nice prasadam and everyone was happy. The woman's day was spent cooking and drying out foodstuffs. Storing and preparing all different kinds of foodstuff and cooking down milk and making ghee. In this way they were all very expert. In the Vedic culture, whenever there was some gathering, all the women would get together. Whatever feast there was, everyone would bring something. In this way they could have big festivals."
Still absorbed in his childhood pastimes he continued, "When we were young there was no want of food. We always had plenty of food. In mango season we would have a bushel basket of mangoes in the house. When we were children, we would run through the house, playing. We would grab mangoes as we were running through. All through the day we could eat mangoes. It wasn't you had to think, 'Oh, can I have a mango?' Plenty of food was there. So life was simple. My father, he didn't talk much but he always provided enough food. There was no difficulty."
As Srila Prabhupada's servant there were very few times I had a question on an instruction he gave. Actually, I only remember one time. Srila Prabhupada received a letter from a devotee asking sanction to divorce his wife and permission to marry another. Being present when Srila Prabhupada replied to the letter I was shocked when he gave permission. It bothered me throughout the day. I understood our philosophy to be that no divorce was allowed. Many times I heard him speak against divorce. I knew it happened but I didn't think Srila Prabhupada would condone it. I kept thinking, "This is not what Srila Prabhupada would do."
I couldn't hold it in any longer. It was evening massage time. I was massaging him for about one half hour when I blurted out, "Prabhupada I want to ask you something. This devotee who is asking about the divorce..." He interjected, "Oh yes, I told him he can do it." I continued, "Yes, I know. I was wondering. You always say that divorce is against Vedic principles. There can never be any divorce." He said, "Yes, but in this society these things are accepted. So we can allow this."
I wasn't feeling satisfied. Srila Prabhupada seemed indifferent about it. It was a quality in him I hadn't observed on such a matter. I said, "Yes, but in this society they accept meat eating and intoxication. All these things are accepted. Why aren't any of these things allowed?" My most merciful spiritual master replied with compassion in his voice, "Well, actually whether I give him permission or not, he is going to get the divorce. So if I tell him, 'No, you can't get it' and he does it that, will be a serious offense. If I say, 'Yes, you can do it' because he is going to do it anyway, then the offense is not so great." I was relieved. It was why I thought he did it but I needed him to confirm just how incredibly compassionate he was to all of us.
While staying at a life members house some Indian guest came to visit Srila Prabhupada. While there, one of them said, "Swamiji, we want you to ask us to build a temple. We want to build a temple for you but we want your blessings. We want you to ask us." Srila Prabhupada started laughing and said, "No, no. If you want to build a temple, it is all right. Build a temple. We will man it for you." The gentleman said, "Swamiji, we want you to give us your blessings, to ask us to make the temple. We are wanting the benediction." Srila Prabhupada still smiling and laughing said, "No, no. If I ask you to do it and you don't do it, then it will be offensive. If you don't comply, that will be your fall down. That is very bad. If you do it on your own that is good but if you don't do it there is no harm done because I haven't told you to do it."
Srila Prabhupada you showed us what it means to be a leader and how to give instructions without false ego. I was always amazed how you would call me into your room and after I offered obeisances you would look at me and say with innocence yet seriously, "Can you give me massage now?" With disbelief I could only say, "Prabhupada, that is why I am here. I am waiting to serve you." You made it is so very easy to want to serve you. Please let the memories of being with you flow into my thick skull. You have spoiled me. I am so arrogant. Although I am full of faults I compare everyone to you and am unable to serve them. I must sit here and spread your glories so I don't dry up and blow away. Your useless servant, Srutakirti dasa
This morning Srila Prabhupada did something most unusual. He called me into his room at about 1:30 a.m. Normally, Srila Prabhupada would go out of his way to see that I wasn't disturbed while taking rest. In some places, such as Krsna Balarama Mandir, he would have to go through the servant quarters to use the bathroom. I would always awake hearing the shuffling of his feet as He passed by my head and instinctively pay my respects. He would become disturbed with me and say, "No, no take rest."
I went into his room still half asleep and offered obeisances. I lifted my head to the sight of Srila Prabhupada with a beautiful child like smile. I was also faced with a pile of recording tape on his desk. He had been translating and somehow or other the tape machine malfunctioned. I don't know what happened but there was tape everywhere. He offered no explanation. With a transcendental smile he said, "Look what the machine has done. Can you fix it?" I spent the next half hour hand rolling the tape back on to the reel and loading it onto the Uher Dictaphone machine. Upon completion of this transcendentally tedious task he replied lovingly, "Okay, go take rest."
New Navadvipa was the sight for a very peculiar pastime. When we first arrived here Srila Prabhupada went and used the bathroom. The toilet did not flush properly. One devotee there, who had plumbing experience came and fixed it. He explained to Srila Prabhupada that because the plumbing had not been used for some time it wasn't flushing properly. Srila Prabhupada said, "So now it is working?" The brahmacari answered, "Oh, yes Prabhupada. It is working fine." Srila Prabhupada didn't seem convinced. He said, "So, how do you know it is working?" The devotee answered, "I flushed it and the water went down." Srila Prabhupada wasn't satisfied. He said, "Go into the kitchen and get some chapati dough. Make some balls and put them in the toilet and if they go down then we will know for sure that it is working." The young brahmacari complied with Srila Prabhupada's instructions and we were all very happy to hear that everything worked as it should.
Srila Prabhupada, being with you was never boring. You showed me that one should not be taken in by the words of another. You said many times, "The proof of the pudding is in the tasting." I pray that some day I may perform some useful service to you.
While here for two days, in a land famed for it's quality time pieces, Shyamasundara presented Srila Prabhupada with the latest in wrist watch technology, one of the first digital watches. It looked very modern. It's round face was completely black except for the few seconds when you
pressed a small button on the side. At that time the red digital display appeared in the window and showed you the exact time. It was quite an innovation. Srila Prabhupada unemotionally put the watch on. He was shown how to use it by his secretary. He explained that to view the time you must press the button on the side of the watch with your right hand and then you can see the time in the face. It did not take long for Srila Prabhupada to make his evaluation of the latest technology. He said, "So, now it takes two hands to tell the time instead of one."
I rejoined Srila Prabhupada on July 24 after being away for 7 months. While away I was married and increased my possessions. I brought one of my new acquisitions to India. It was an electric razor. While giving Srimad Bhagavatam Class one morning, Srila Prabhupada started talking about 'ugra karma'. He said, "One can shave very simply with a blade. There is no difficulty, but now it becomes complicated. One must use electricity. Noise is there and when it breaks then you can not shave. By trying to solve a small problem, so many other problems are made." He never said anything to me directly but I know that he was referring to the fact that I had been shaving in my servant quarters only an hour earlier, and this created a disturbance for him.
Four months have passed and I have learned very little. Srila Prabhupada rang his bell. I hurried form the kitchen where I was busily making fresh vegetable juice for myself with a juicer that Pallika devi had gotten me. He said angrily, "What is all that noise?" I nervously said, "It is a juicer Srila Prabhupada. I started to drink fresh juices because I have had a difficult time staying healthy in India. I thought drinking fresh juice would help. He didn't appear very sympathetic. He said, "So much noise. How can I concentrate. Why is it necessary to make such disturbance?" I agreed that it was foolish and that I would stop using it. An hour went by when Srila Prabhupada rang his bell. I headed for his sitting room with thoughts of the past incident out of my mind. He looked at me compassionately and said, "So, if these fresh juices are helping you to stay healthy then it is all right to continue. It is important for you to be healthy so you can do your service. I don't mind."
Again, I was overcome with joy knowing how much you cared for me. Now, I feel ashamed. It is commonly known , the way to keep healthy in India is to cook your vegetables and peel your fruits before eating to avoid all types of organisms. Srila Prabhupada, you tolerated my foolishness. More than that, you kept me around even though I created disturbance with my machinery. Please forgive me for my foolishness .
Today at Srila Prabhupada's lecture I was feeling very weak and feverish. My head was down and I was nodding out. Srila Prabhupada stopped his lecture and said to me, "Wake up! If you require sleep, go and sleep." I did my best to keep my back straight and head up for the rest of the lecture. I don't remember ever feeling so sick. Later I said to Srila Prabhupada, "I don't understand what has happened. I never get sick. I haven't been sick in years." Srila Prabhupada looked at me with surprise and said, "Really, that is very wonderful. To be sick and have difficulty is the natural condition of life. You are very fortunate."
Two weeks later while on a morning walk in Bombay the sun was shining brightly. Shyamasundara prabhu looked into my eyes and started laughing. He said, "Boy, are your eyes yellow. You have jaundice." Finally my weakness for the past few weeks made sense. Now, diagnosed I felt worse. I dragged myself into Srila Prabhupada's room and offered obeisances. I said with alarm, "Srila Prabhupada, I have jaundice." He looked at me with surprise and said, "Oh, what are the symptoms?" With concern in my voice I said, "My urine is dark. I have no appetite and feel very weak." He looked at me with a slight smile and said, "Hmm, perhaps I have jaundice also." I continued, "Tamal Krishna Maharaja and the other devotees suggested that perhaps I shouldn't cook for you because jaundice is very highly contagious. Even touching your plates and preparing the food would be dangerous." Srila Prabhupada said with little emotion, "No. That's all right. You go ahead and cook. There is nothing to worry about." Due to Srila Prabhupada's benediction I was able to continue with my duties, going on the morning walk, massaging and cooking throughout my illness.
A year has gone by since I had jaundice. Now it was Srila Prabhupada's secretary, Brahmananda Maharaja who had it. It was newsworthy so I decided to tell Srila Prabhupada. Going into his room I offered obeisances and said innocently, "Srila Prabhupada, Brahmananda has jaundice." Srila Prabhupada looked at me with surprise and said, "Oh what are the symptoms?" Having no memory of doing this before I repeated the list of symptoms. You guessed it. Srila Prabhupada said, "Hmm, Perhaps I have jaundice also."
Finally after Srila Prabhupada made this statement again, I understood. It only took me a year. Srila Prabhupada was incredible. He remembered everything that happened with his disciples and could bring it up at the perfect moment. I was so dull headed the joke was way over my head. The yoga maya potency was very strong around him. I had no idea of who I was with. This was fortunate, otherwise I would not have been able to perform my service due to awe and fear. I speculated that Srila Prabhupada was saying that he had all the symptoms of illness that I described, but being transcendental he went about his devotional life in spite of so many painful difficulties.
Srila Prabhupada didn't have Jaundice but he did experience symptoms. He showed us that when we get older, as I am beginning to experience, the body is full of aches and pains, and the energy level decreases. Srila Prabhupada explained that it was not very amazing that we feel weak, ill or are in pain. However, it was amazing if we didn't feel ill. He demonstrated to us how not to be effected by the limitations of the body.
When you were in quarantine due to not having a yellow fever shot you said, "What do they think? I can get yellow fever? Anyone who is cent per cent engaged in Krishna's service, there is no question of material contamination. He can not be infected with any disease." I pray to be infected with love for you, Srila Prabhupada so that I will be cent per cent engaged in your devotional service. Please give me a glimpse of your transcendental position.
Srila Prabhupada's actions were ever fresh. Being his personal servant for eight months, I thought I had a good understanding of how to act and what to say in response to his questions so that I didn't get myself into trouble. I considered that our relationship was strictly spiritual master -servant. Over time it became apparent to me that Srila Prabhupada wanted me to speak freely and honestly when he asked a question. He was very kind. He never put me on trial.
As Srila Prabhupada and I were entering the airplane, Indian classical music was being played over the intercom. We walked to our seats. Srila Prabhupada took the seat by the window, as he always did and I sat down beside him. The music continued playing. He looked at me with a smile and said, "Do you like this music?" I stared back at him with an empty glance thinking, "How can I tell him I like this music. Sure it sounds nice, but there is no chanting of the Lord's names going on. It is only instruments playing. That can't be Krishna Conscious." Speculating fearfully, I missed my opportunity to be intimate with my loving spiritual master as he mercifully answered for me saying, "This music is very nice." Relieved I chimed in, "Yes, Srila Prabhupada. it is nice." I felt like a cheater, unable to be honest. I was so concerned about the outcome of my answer, I forgot that Srila Prabhupada is a person with likes and dislikes. He was hearing the music and remembering Krishna. I was hearing the music and calculating how it was maya wondering how to answer in a Krishna conscious way.
I have made a few devotee friends here at the temple and I decided to go to Mangal Aratik to see them. While I was there Pradyumna came into the temple room and said, "Srila Prabhupada has been ringing his bell. He wants to see you now." I immediately left the temple room and raced into his room offering obeisances. Lifting my head I said, "Did you want me Srila Prabhupada?" He looked at me angrily and said, "You have no business going to Mangal Aratik. Your service is to be with me 24 hours a day. If I need you, you should be available." I apologized and said I would never do it again.
It's funny, even before going I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. I had been restless and thought no one could find fault in my attending Mangal Aratik. I figured Srila Prabhupada generally never calls me so early in the morning. Of course, I should have remembered that he always knows what I am doing so if I did go he would certainly call me. I was the only person in Iskcon who had a reason not to go to Mangal Aratik and my going was a sign that I was in maya.
It is a very beautiful afternoon. The sun is shining into Srila Prabhupada's sitting room through the leaded glass windows. He is walking around the room chanting japa. He stopped in front of the windows and looked out into the garden. He said to me, So, which is the most beautiful animal?" I thought for a few seconds with little conviction in my voice and blurted out, "A cow?!" "No." he said quickly, "A horse. The horse has a very beautiful form. The muscle structure is very nice." Again, I messed up. I thought Krishna's favorite animal is a cow. It must be a cow. As soon as Srila Prabhupada told me otherwise it made perfect sense.
Srila Prabhupada, I beg you to tell me again that my only business is to be with you for 24 hours a day. Your restless servant, Srutakirti dasa
Kirtanananda Maharaja and I were here in New Dwarka for a week during which time I received Brahmin initiation from Srila Prabhupada. Although I was not yet Srila Prabhupada's personal servant, in retrospect I was being initiated into that mood. Throughout the week whenever I saw Nanda Kumar prabhu I contemplated his great fortune and would stare at him uncontrollably. He would glance back at me and kind of smile. He must have thought I was very strange.
One morning during Srila Prabhupada's lecture he noticed that his servant was not by his Vyasasana and asked, "Where is Nanda Kumar?" Someone said, "He is in the kitchen." His Divine Grace continued with Bhagavatam class. After Srila Prabhupada's lecture Kirtanananda Maharaja and I were in his Divine Grace's quarters. The atmosphere was tense. Srila Prabhupada was visibly unhappy. He knew something was wrong. When Nanda Kumar brought in breakfast prasadam Srila Prabhupada asked angrily, "Where were you during my lecture?" His servant responded, "I was preparing your breakfast." Srila Prabhupada became louder, "Why? Anyone can prepare breakfast. You should be there at the lecture." Nanda Kumar gave another reason. Srila Prabhupada was not pacified and said, "You must be there. There is no reason to be absent."
I was sitting in the room shaking. It was my first experience seeing and hearing my spiritual master in an angry mood. It was difficult to watch as his servant tried to defend himself. I thought
to myself, "He is talking back to Srila Prabhupada. This can't be good." It was a good lesson for me. I made up my mind that I would never do that if Srila Prabhupada was chastising me. When Srila Prabhupada left New Dwarka in August of 1972 Nanda Kumar remained and was married. Srila Prabhupada tried to keep him as his servant and said Nanda Kumar was expert.
In September of 1973 I was Srila Prabhupada's servant in New Dwarka. He told me to prepare his meals in my quarters, not in the temple kitchen because there were too many women there. Sixteen months later, history repeated itself, Srila Prabhupada left New Dwarka and I remained to be married to a girl I meet in the temple kitchen. Srila Prabhupada knew all his disciples weaknesses and mercifully encouraged us to rise above them. When we failed Srila Prabhupada continued to compassionately accept our service on the level we were able to perform. On many occasions he said that our young age was the cause of our restlessness.
When Srila Prabhupada came out of his Juhu flat for his morning walk all the assembled devotees chanted, "Jai, Srila Prabhupada!" and offered obeisances. All, except for one brahmacari who remained standing with hands folded. With his cane in hand Srila Prabhupada began walking. Looking straight ahead he said, "That is the beginning of his fall down." Many times he said this process was "the razor's edge". In this moment he explained just how sharp that razor is. The devotee was not conscious of his actions. We can't be Krishna conscious if we are not conscious. Srila Prabhupada I beg for your mercy so that I may always be conscious of you and your service to the Supreme Lord.
Srila Prabhupada wanted his lunch prepared in my room, which was adjacent to his quarters. I was pleased with how I set it up. The 8' x 10' room had everything it needed even though it was the room I stayed in day and night. Karandhara arranged for a refrigerator. There was a two burner gas stove on the floor. I made a shelf area with two cinder blocks and a 4' long 1" x 10" board. There was no running water, so I kept a supply in a plastic bucket. Srila Prabhupada often told me to keep things simple and efficient. This set up worked well.
After Srila Prabhupada finished breakfast I brought his silver plates into my room and transferred his remnants onto a tray. I put the orange peels etc. into my trash can and happily distributed the maha to the eager devotees waiting for the 'mercy'.
Srila Prabhupada often walked around chanting japa after taking breakfast. He walked in and out of his rooms, back and forth in the hallway, sometimes stopping for a moment in front of my room, watching me as I prepared his lunch. Today he looked into my room and walked in.
Looking into the small trash can, he shouted, "What is this? You are such a fool." Surprised by his sudden chastisement I said, "It's from your breakfast plate." It was not a good answer. Srila Prabhupada was just getting started. "You are supposed to be a devotee." He shouted, "You have no brains. No intelligence whatsoever. You are nothing but a mellecha. You have everything here so neat and you are preparing food for the Deities amidst this eaten garbage. How could you do such a foolish thing. You are such a mellecha."
I didn't know what to say. I was thinking, "These are Prabhupada's remnants. This isn't garbage." I didn't say anything. I learned my lesson months before watching him chastise Nanda Kumar prabhu. Finally, I agreed with him saying, "Yes, Srila Prabhupada I am a fool." He wasn't pacified with my hollow confession. Still very angry he continued, "Do they do this in the temple kitchen? Do they have a trash can like this?" I said, "Well, they do have a trash can in the kitchen." He quickly responded, "But, do they put eaten garbage in it?" My energy drained I replied, "No. Srila Prabhupada." Srila Prabhupada never seemed to tire. He said, "Why are you doing these things? You are such a mleccha. You have no intelligence." It seemed to go on for so long. Finally, he left my room with his hand in his bead bag chanting japa.
I emptied the trash can still considering his remnants to be most sacred. It's ironic because the first piece of maha bhagavat prasadam given to me by Nanda Kumar prabhu in New Dwarka was an orange peel. I felt very fortunate and ate the whole thing. When I gave peel remnants to other devotees, they nibbled off the white area but discarded the orange rind. I was shaken but understood that Srila Prabhupada wanted to teach me a lesson. It seemed that whenever I became puffed up in my service thinking I was doing a good job, Srila Prabhupada would let me know I was far from the mark of a brahminical Vaisnava. Later he told me that I prepared a very nice lunch. He never left me feeling that he maintained any anger. Whenever he chastised me he would always say something very nice or tell me a pastime about his earlier years. It was a tradeoff that was well worth it. Srila Prabhupada knew that I was very sensitive to criticism and compassionately kept it to a minimum. Looking back I see these few instances as blissful moments because they are the ones I remember most vividly and that is pure nectar. There were so many opportunities for Srila Prabhupada to correct me, if only I could have appreciated constructive criticism. I would have so many additional memories to relish. Please forgive me, Srila Prabhupada, for being such a puffed up rascal. I am forever indebted to you for knowing exactly how to deal with such a mellecha as myself.
I moved into the Pittsburgh Temple, April of 1971. In July Kirtanananda Maharaja took a few of us to the Brooklyn temple to get first initiation. Needless to say we were all very excited. When we went into the temple room being Maharaja's servant, I was able to be very close to Srila Prabhupada's Vyasasana during class. July 19, 1971 is the date I first saw my eternal spiritual master. It was a moment I will never forget. His effulgence was extraordinary. My eyes were glued to his every move. The kirtan was ecstatic. By the time the chanting stopped the temperature in the temple room must have risen to at least 100 degrees F.
Hundreds of devotees were packed in the temple room all trying to be as close to Srila Prabhupada as possible. All at once we got down on our knees to offer obeisances. This made the room more cramped then it already was. I started to get up before the devotee behind me and accidentally placed my posterior on his head. This startled him and he rose very quickly. This pushed me forward with great force right onto the side of Srila Prabhupada's Vyasasana. My hands and head landed directly at his right side. He turned and looked at me with surprise and said, "What is the difficulty.?" I shrank back onto the floor unable to say anything in response.
Once Srila Prabhupada was on a short flight in a 747 out of JFK. Since it was a wide body many of the devotees got tickets that placed them in the same row as Srila Prabhupada. Srila Prabhupada was sitting at the window and I was next to him. There must have been 10 devotees sitting in the same row. Everyone wanted the chance to sit as close to their beloved guru as possible. As the flight progressed, unfortunately, some of his disciples began to do the devotee dive-bomb (nodding out). It was quite a sight. You could look across the aisle and see shaven heads bobbing up and down, similar to the little dolls with their heads on springs they put in the back window of cars.
Srila Prabhupada was not amused by the display and began to let me know it. He said, "Just see. There are hundreds of people in the plane and everyone is wide awake except for the devotees. They are in maya, sleeping. Everyone else is awake. Why they can not stay awake?". Whenever Prabhupada addressed me in this way I would become quite silent. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing, something that might further disturb him. I couldn't think of a good reason so I sat there without saying a word. He said, "My disciples are worse then karmis. They can not stay awake, just see, everyone else can." Then he said the phrase he said to me when I was first introduced to him, "What is the difficulty?" I could only answer with, "I don't know, Srila Prabhupada." One thing was certain. I did not nod on that flight.
Srila Prabhupada, so many times I have heard you say those words, "What is the difficulty?" It is one you knew we couldn't answer because you have mercifully taken all of the difficulty out of this process. You gave all of the answers saying, "This process is so simple. Just chant Hare Krishna and be happy." Dozens of times I have heard you say, "If you chant sixteen rounds and follow the four regulative principles then at the end of this life you will go back home, back to Godhead" All Glories to Srila Prabhupada!